He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
