never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize