listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
