You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
