apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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