It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I can text with my tongue
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
