Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
