so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
