drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
