dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Buhtt sex?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Randomize
