I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
