its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
