I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
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