it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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