Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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