Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
