You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
