your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Say something about gay babies.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
