Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
