I just saw a hot homeless man
lets start a swedish sibling band together
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
In other news, I just burned my penis
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize