fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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