I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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