Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
the room spins SO much faster in panama
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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