i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
