Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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