Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
