I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
