Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
