Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
