Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize