ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Never underestimate the power of titties
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
