Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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