He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
