btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
