never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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