If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
