you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
