Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
