dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
