I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
