KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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