I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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