$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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