their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
