i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
