i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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