You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
