also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
