She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
