he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
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