too bad you live with your parents still
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Well I just put wine in my tea
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
