My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I touched a dick in church today
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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