my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
