Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
