so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
