i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
