Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
