fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
