hell yes lets make some ravioli
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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