we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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