remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I think I sprained my soul last night
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
