so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize