Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
