Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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