normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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