i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
