He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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