I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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