Have you finally orgasmed yet?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
