How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
