Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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