these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
