Fuck appropriateness.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
