She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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