I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
