Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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