i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
