she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
pop tarts are not kleenex
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
