He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
