Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
