I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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