that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
